Not everyone who dies is a nice person.

I once spoke at a funeral and was told afterward, “If you had praised him, I would have walked out. He abandoned us.” I knew that. And my words reflected the pain I knew people had felt.

You can have conflicting feelings. You may not feel the sadness about this person that everyone is talking about. Not everyone who dies is a nice person.

We each have a different relationship with the person who died. So you can have a different response to their death.

  • Sometimes we’re more relieved than we are sad, because we don’t have to deal with the problems any more.
  • Sometimes the sadness we feel is about what everyone else got and we didn’t.
  • Sometimes we are frustrated because the person never apologized, never recognized the pain they caused.
  • Sometimes things are just complicated.

People will tell us that they are sorry for our loss. We don’t have to fill them in about how awful the person was to us. We can simply thank them for their concern for us.

And, I’m sorry. Not necessarily for the loss. But for the pain that you have had.


This Is Hard Copyright © 2021 by Jon C Swanson. All Rights Reserved.

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