I used to say, “I’m sorry for your loss.” Most people are polite when they hear it. It’s better, I suppose, than never saying anything. Then one friend said, “I hate that phrase.”
Here’s what’s true: this moment is hard. You know that. And more than a vague apology for something that no one could control, you may need someone to acknowledge that this is hard.
Breathing is hard. Thinking is hard. Imagining the next few years is hard. Remembering anything is hard. Being polite is hard. Feeling numb is hard.
You can fill in some of your own hard things.
And now isn’t the moment for saying. “But other people have it worse.” Other people have hard things, too. And we can acknowledge that. But their hard moments don’t suddenly make this moment easy for you.
Say “THIS is hard.”
Say “This IS hard.”
Say “This is HARD.”
And as you say it, know that I agree with you. This is hard.